Make A Wish for Adults


I was recently fortunate enough to get a hold of some really good tickets to see my favorite NBA team. These seats were the kind a guy like me doesn’t get very often, if at all. I’m a lifelong fan, a guy that has stuck with the same team while so much around me has changed. I’m there when it’s good. I’m there in times of mediocrity. And I’m still around during the lean years. All of this is to say that when I get an amazing pair of tickets to see my favorite team play on the road while they are enjoying a breakout year, I appreciate those seats.

The only problem was sitting next to me there were a bunch kids who didn’t, and they were annoying as hell. They were unaware of all that goes in to creating the athletic showcase that was happening before them, and they didn’t care. They would have been much happier at a Chuck E. Cheese’s, in a room with toys or at a multitude of other places that didn’t disturb those around them.

Something needs to be done about this. Seats like those should go to other washed-up, middle-aged men who like their team as much as I like mine. There should be a Make A Wish for adults so tickets to the best sporting events go to the people who deserve them. Even better, the tickets would be directly taken away from kids who have no business being there. Their parents would probably have to accompany them out, so that frees up even more seats for the truly worthy fans. And if you’re worried about the kids (which I am personally not since I believe kids are never too young to learn a good lesson) then I suppose you can send them to play games and eat pizza as a consolation.

Of course, it doesn’t have to be just kids; others could be taught lessons as well, which in turn opens up more spots up for the deserving. Say, we’ve got a man who busts his ass in a factory day in and day out and his only reprieve from reality and a pain in the ass wife is the sports team that he has followed for forty years. This guy would get to take the tickets of some spoiled hot chick who is only at the game to Snapchat it and toy with a guy she has no plans of sleeping with. And instead of courtside seats for fame-whoring celebrities, a guy who raises his kids right, treats people decently and knows the nuances of the NBA gets to sit closest to the action.

If that weren’t enough, the whole arena could watch the moment when the lesson gets served and seats are taken over by those who should be there. You could incorporate the mascot and show it on the jumbotron. Cheerleaders could come out, cheer for the victors and deride those who are being escorted out by big, burly security guards. What theater.

It has it all – charity, justice, entertainment and a happy ending.